Star of show: 'Whose up next?'
'Uh, me' I said shitting my pants.
Star of show: 'Okay. Let's see if you're funny.'
Me faking a laugh because I couldn't tell if he was serious.
Oh, he was serious.
Other guest star turning to me.
'Glad I'm not first.'
Me faking a laugh again just because I didn't know what else to do.
Lights dim, actors set.
'But is there anything you want me to do in particular or should I just...' to anyone who looked important.
ACTION.
People talking, actors moving, I'm talking, I'm moving.
CUT.
I just stand there. Star of show disappears to a vast sea of producers and moniters.
'Good. We'll go again' says nice director.
'Wait, is there anything different you want me to...'
'Just try something else' he says and walks off.
Tiny shits of pants.
ACTION.
People talking, actors moving, I'm talking DIFFERENT TALKING, I'm moving DIFFERENT MOVING.
CUT.
Again, I stand there. Star of show disappears.
RESET.
STAND BY
Make-up touches me up.
In a whisper...'is this how it goes?'
'If you were doing it wrong honey, you already would be 'let go' you know what I mean?'
'OH! OKAY!' I say as more tiny shits shit out of my shit.
RESET.
Make-up clears frame.
I reset to first position.
ACTION.
People talking, actors moving, I'm talking DIFFERENT DIFFERENT TALKING, I'm moving DIFFERENT DIFFERENT MOVING.
CUT.
Everyone disappears again.
5 MINUTE RESET.
I stand there.
Star of show comes over.
Oh gosh, he's gonna 'let me go.'
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
He gives me the once over.
'You're funny kid. You're real funny.'
He walks away.
'Thank you' rolls out of my mouth as if my tounge was a fruit roll up.
RESET. EVERYONE TAKE FIRST POSITIONS AGAIN.
The director approaches.
'Good Annie. Just keep changing it up and trying new things.'
'Okay,' fruit roll up mouth says.
I improv'ed a bunch of different things, with a bunch of different endings; all drawing on my Groundlings training. We landed on a couple things they really liked that I came up with and we did that a few more times from a few more camera angles always changing a few things. No script. No certian lines. Nothing forced. I made up my name 'Krista Ferguson' since Mark Ferguson was my first boyfriend and well, I knew I wouldn't forget it.
I don't know how long I was there, what I really said, or what actually happened. But when star of the show gave me a kudo, it made up for all the shit balls in Hollywood telling me crap after crap after crap. Time indeed stopped and that's when I knew I was in my truth. I went home that night and gave my Dear Journal a whole hell of gratitude. Whatever it is you love to do in life, when time stops, you know you are suppose to be doing it.
(Season 8)
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