sing-a-long

A recent late night, a guitar, some tequila and a real talented kid, took me back to 1997.

And the Indigo Girls.

I had just moved to LA to do a year of volunteer service work. A year where you lived in a community, made 75 bucks a month, and did some sort of social work. I was placed to live in East Los Angeles, in a single gang territory, with 4 other white kids ready to ‘save the world.’ Kind of like ‘The Real World’ but without a hot tub or an ever-present drunk anorexic chick.

I had just come from a nice little box called Ohio, fully equipped with Ray Bans, 9 West clogs, and a real bad fake tan. Tough times. But, come on, how bad could it be? I’ll get some nice resume building experience, visit California, then high tail it for Georgetown Law School. That was the plan. That was the vision. That was the safe tape I played in my head to make believe I knew what I was doing with my life. However, as my experience of working in downtown Skid Row started, I couldn’t quite build that resume like I wanted. How do you add ‘getting a gun pulled on you’ to your work history? Or how do you say 'trying not to see kids give blow jobs in alley’s for 5 bucks’ as a strength/weakness? Maybe I could phrase, ‘holding on to someone’s crack pipe’ as a special skill, but either way, the experience was changing me.

I saw shit you shouldn’t see. I felt shit I still sometimes can’t shake. But I showed up, I listened and on the smallest of scales, made a difference. (Even if it was to see a 15-year-old meth addict get a good night sleep or help an HIV kid find a safe place to end his life). I sound so dramatic. But the truth is, my 'clients' taught me way more than I could ever offer to them.

I could go on and on with stories of that year, that changed my life and how much respect I have for social workers in general. But I won’t. I’ll go back to the original point.

The Indigo Girls. The song: Closer to Fine. (I know the song has some cheese factor but alas, here's how it relates).

When I first got to East LA, I spent my weekends refining my 168-170 pre-LSAT score. I didn’t get close to my roommates and tried to dodge any real conversation that addressed why my biological mother was leaving messages on our community phone about pie. “Uh, she’s just uh, weird.”

However, something broke the ice. Someone. My roommate, Natalie. Nat. Hands down fucking coolest girl on the planet. Not to mention incredibly selfless in her giving of service. Coolest. Was. And is. Hands down.

She played the guitar, she could sing, but mostly, she could read through my bullshit. So one night over a lot of pot, she taught me how to play the guitar. We started with simple chords. And simple stories about our pasts. Weeks later we moved on to some bar chords and revealed a few other childhood highlights. “Hey Nat, I learned how to drive when I had to pick up my mom from the police station. C,D,E,A. Hilarious!” We even tackled ‘picking patterns’ and hit some real truthful music that I had previously shared with no one.

I never could quite play ‘Closer to Fine,’ or hit the high notes, cuz I never really got good at the guitar. So Nat would play lead and I’d just harmonize and strum, but a connection was made. Over late nights, attempted harmonies, ghetto birds, super cheap beer, gunshots, and tears. She refused to see my punk ass attitude as a reason to stay away. Instead, she saw it as a reason to get closer.

When Nancy died, Nat (who is now an amazing first grade teacher) had her kids make me cards. Actually, she combined the trifecta: ‘congrats on the wedding, sorry about your step-mom, and happy birthday,’ See below. They still get me.

So, the other night, I couldn’t really sing the high parts or even attempt to play the song, but I did think to myself. Wow. I’m a long way from where I was some 9 years ago. Somewhere different (thankfully without bad Ray Bans). Somewhere really great, actually. And at that moment, I wanted to be nowhere else.

I think I can even say that I'm closer to ‘fine’ than I ever have been.

‘And the best thing you’ve ever done for me
is to help me take my life less seriously.’ Indigo Girls.

Thanks Nat.

And thanks for playing it, kid. Even though you had no idea.

***I had orignally written 'Ray BANDS,' not 'Ray Bans' as in the sunglasses. Ray BANDS. awesome. Literally I got eliminated from the spelling bee in 6th grade on the word 'quarter.' yep, quarter.

Comments

[magdala]

Dear Annie,

Aren't kids the coolest people on the planet? I just love them. I have three of my own, two who were "planned" (in the sense that I set out to become pregnant--the kids one actually gets are a crap shoot) and one who was a bonus--and the coolest of the bunch--although I will deny ever having said such a thing because I have no favorites; I love all my children equally in different ways (that's what I always told them and what I will to this day tell anyone who asks because I really do mean it). But kids are great, and I'm glad you've got a friend who can hook you into that kind of energy. Embrace it; use it; it will make you whole.

Best,

Debra

[Jonathan]

Just beautiful.

[James Cooper]

You and Nat are amazing people. Thanks for the great story and for sharing the children's cards.

By the by, your links require repair (there's an extra http// in each).

[Jessie]

I like the "wish that your mom could be there" one. Kids really are spectacular when they're not being absolutely horrible. :)

[Juanita Harris]

You are blessed in ways most people only dream of. Best to you, and Nat, you're a gem!!

[claire]

Great post. Your best yet, I think.

Those cards rock, and now I think I'll look up the tabs to "Closer to fine." I can't hit the high notes either, but maybe with a capo...

[Ben]

That was extremely moving...I can't finding anything else to say but that...

[M. Douglas Wray]

Great entry Anne. Keep it up.

[Cherry Indigo]

Yes, a slight cheese factor with that song....but everytime I hear that line, I automatically think of two people in my life.

Maybe I'll follow your lead and tell them.

[Theof]

I did a year of VS with MCC. Were you MVS, MCC or something else? Your experiance sounds similar to mine but just in a slightly different part of the world.

It changed my life. Bonded with room mates, met who would turn out to be my wife, made and kept life long friends.

[K Lance]

Nice.

[b-rob]

love those cards.

[Kirk]

Is your biological mother schizophrenic? My Mom's a catatonic schizophrenic (a little different than the paranoid kind) and has been for as long as I can remember. She had a psychotic break in 2004. So I was just in a similar situation a little while ago and know how much it SUCKS.

I don't know if you've ever decided to read up on schizophrenia but it helped me out a bit. I'm 32 and never sought info about schizophrenia until the last psychotic break (didn't know her official illness until I was 21 since doctors say NOTHING to families).

Anyway, the book When Madness Comes Home helped as did reading stuff on schizophrenia.com. NAMI's family-to-family program was somewhat helpful but mostly full of parents with schizo or bi-polar kids so I didn't have much of anyone to relate to.

I would normally never post to anyone's comments section, but I thought this might be of some use.

I enjoy reading your blog and hope your bad luck cycle runs out soon.

[allison]

The cards? High-larious. Kids can teach us a lot about ourselves and the world...

For example, I didn't realize fish put their pants on their heads.

[eyduck]

Killing. Me. The fish with the underwear? The rainbows? That was the sound of my brain exploding...

[annie]

thanks for the comments!

kirk: THANK YOU for the suggestions. she is bi-polar, however, i have read up a bit on schizophrenia as well. you are right, the doctors tell you nothing, and most support groups are full of parents of kids with menal illness. i'm going to pick up that book today. thanks for reaching out and caring.

annie

[Jasper]

:)

Good stuff!

[jellyfish]

Long-time lurker, first time commenter (I can't believe I just wrote something so gay-ass, but anyway). Those cards are sensational, they actually made me start to tear up which only happens about 4 times a year. Thanks for writing such a gorgeous post.